Are you Inspiring or Gloomy?
By Dr. Margaret Paul
December 19, 2011
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Do you inspire others with your caring energy, or do you bring others down with your misery?
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"You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy." --Julia Child, 1912-2004, Chef, Author and Television Personality
What is your primary intention with others – to share uplifting, caring energy, or to get sympathy?
Getting Sympathy
When you are complaining, whining, and being generally gloomy with others, what do you want? Are you trying to connect with them through getting their sympathy? Are you trying to fill some inner emptiness through getting them to feel sorry for you? Have you been programmed to believe that the only way to connect is to share misery and complaints? Do you compete for having the worst complaints – the worst illness, the worst rejections, the worst unfairness, the worst day? Do you ever think to yourself when hearing another’s complaint, “Big deal, that’s nothing. Wait until you hear what I’m going through.”
You might want to take a moment right now and take an honest look inside to see what your hope is in being gloomy rather than cheerful. What are you not giving to yourself that you want from others? Are you ignoring your own feelings, and then hoping someone else will give you the attention and caring you want? Are you avoiding taking responsibility for the choices you make that lead to you feeling badly? What is your investment in seeing yourself as a victim? Do you believe that getting momentary sympathy from another is what will make you feel okay about yourself?
Being Caring and Inspiring
Imagine what might happen in your life if you “never allowed yourself to say anything gloomy,” as Julia Child suggests.
In order to do this, you need to give yourself the caring and compassion that you keep trying to get from others with your complaining, gloomy behavior. Just acting cheerful, when you really feel awful inside, isn’t going to do much for you or for your relationships. Most people can easily pick up inauthentic behavior, so a superficial Pollyanna attitude is not going to be well received.
The real issue here is whether you are loving yourself or abandoning yourself. When you abandon yourself – by judging yourself, ignoring your feelings, turning to various addictions to avoid your feelings, and making others responsible for your feelings of worth and lovability – you will feel gloomy. While it’s easy to believe that your misery is due to something external – finances, relationships, unmet expectations – much of the time these feelings are coming from your own self-abandonment. If you are abandoning yourself and then acting cheerful, it is likely that the intent of your cheerfulness is the same as the intent of your complaining – to get something from someone else to make you feel better.
To be truly caring and inspiring to others, you need to be genuinely peaceful inside, and this comes only from taking loving care of yourself – of your emotions, your physical wellbeing, your spiritual wellbeing, your financial wellbeing, and your sense of integrity.
In order to never allow yourself to say anything gloomy to others, you first have to stop indulging yourself in saying gloomy things to yourself, which means that you need to become aware of the overt and subtle ways you scare yourself and judge yourself from your programmed ego wounded self. As long as you indulge yourself in thinking scary and judgmental thoughts, you will be creating your own misery, which you then may dump onto others with your whining and complaining.
Imagine how wonderful our relationships and our world would be if all of us took responsibility for our own feelings instead of making others responsible.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
GROW Your Capabilities Into New Possibilities!
by Christine Hassler on December 14, 2011
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If you are using the excuse “I don’t know how” to stop you from doing something, STOP IT. Not knowing how to do something is not a reason to not do it; it is an excuse. And I know you do not want excuses to get in the way of your dreams!
Perhaps you can relate to this: you have a moment of inspiration. You get an idea, consider a lifelong dream or have an “aha” moment. Your eyes light up and you begin to feel those butterflies of excitement. All of a sudden you are FULL of possibility. And then, like a record scratch, your analytical mind comes in and begins to try to figure out the how. You begin to contract energetically because that pesky “I don’t know” excuse starts to suck away all your inspiration.
Today I invite you to declare that you will no longer allow your current capabilities to dictate your possibilities! So what if you don’t know how to do something? There was a time when you did not know how to chew, control your bladder, walk, read or use a computer. You’ve learned all those things, didn’t you?
What is so awesome about your capabilities, which include both your awareness and your skill set, is that you can continue to grow them. So if you are allowing what you are capable of today to determine what you could create in the future, can you see how short-sighted that is? It’s like trying to send an email with a typewriter. It’s just not effective.
Know that you are most likely only using 10-20% of your human potential and there is so much more you are capable of. But in order to really ignite the inspiration that fuels stretching your capabilities, you have to shift into the energy of possibility.
Dream. Visualize. Fantasize. Vision.
The most amazing creators see possibility. Genius and innovation come from a place of thinking about what’s possible NEXT versus what is possible now. Thomas Edison tried over 10,000 times before he was able to make a light bulb work because he continued to focus on what could be possible rather than what he was currently capable of.
To me, genius is not necessarily being the best at something. It is about how much passion and enthusiasm we bring to what we do. Genius requires childlike curiosity and a willingness to have a beginner’s mind. And the only way to access your own genius is to stop living in the comfort zone of your current capabilities. Dwelling in the world of possibility requires stepping outside the familiarity of what you already know.
You are reading this and part of a community of people who are committed to being LOVE because Mastin thought about what was possible. What could be possible for you? What could you create?
Stop looking through the limited lens of your current capabilities. Allow your mind to swim in the beautiful and vast sea of possibility. Stop drowning your dreams by only paying attention to what you have done or can do right now. Trust the energetic power of focusing on possibility and soon you will see that the right teachers, tools and circumstances you need to be capable of co-creating it will show up.
Relax and celebrate this amazing possibility: you are more powerful and capable than you think. Whatever your “it” is, know that you CAN do it, you CAN have it and you CAN be it. IT IS ALL POSSIBLE – you just have to open your mind and heart to it.
“We all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do.” – Dale Carnegie
“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” – Jamie Paolinetti
# # #
Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor dedicated to helping people answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? You can check out her website here:http://www.christinehassler.com/
Email This Post
If you are using the excuse “I don’t know how” to stop you from doing something, STOP IT. Not knowing how to do something is not a reason to not do it; it is an excuse. And I know you do not want excuses to get in the way of your dreams!
Perhaps you can relate to this: you have a moment of inspiration. You get an idea, consider a lifelong dream or have an “aha” moment. Your eyes light up and you begin to feel those butterflies of excitement. All of a sudden you are FULL of possibility. And then, like a record scratch, your analytical mind comes in and begins to try to figure out the how. You begin to contract energetically because that pesky “I don’t know” excuse starts to suck away all your inspiration.
Today I invite you to declare that you will no longer allow your current capabilities to dictate your possibilities! So what if you don’t know how to do something? There was a time when you did not know how to chew, control your bladder, walk, read or use a computer. You’ve learned all those things, didn’t you?
What is so awesome about your capabilities, which include both your awareness and your skill set, is that you can continue to grow them. So if you are allowing what you are capable of today to determine what you could create in the future, can you see how short-sighted that is? It’s like trying to send an email with a typewriter. It’s just not effective.
Know that you are most likely only using 10-20% of your human potential and there is so much more you are capable of. But in order to really ignite the inspiration that fuels stretching your capabilities, you have to shift into the energy of possibility.
Dream. Visualize. Fantasize. Vision.
The most amazing creators see possibility. Genius and innovation come from a place of thinking about what’s possible NEXT versus what is possible now. Thomas Edison tried over 10,000 times before he was able to make a light bulb work because he continued to focus on what could be possible rather than what he was currently capable of.
To me, genius is not necessarily being the best at something. It is about how much passion and enthusiasm we bring to what we do. Genius requires childlike curiosity and a willingness to have a beginner’s mind. And the only way to access your own genius is to stop living in the comfort zone of your current capabilities. Dwelling in the world of possibility requires stepping outside the familiarity of what you already know.
You are reading this and part of a community of people who are committed to being LOVE because Mastin thought about what was possible. What could be possible for you? What could you create?
Stop looking through the limited lens of your current capabilities. Allow your mind to swim in the beautiful and vast sea of possibility. Stop drowning your dreams by only paying attention to what you have done or can do right now. Trust the energetic power of focusing on possibility and soon you will see that the right teachers, tools and circumstances you need to be capable of co-creating it will show up.
Relax and celebrate this amazing possibility: you are more powerful and capable than you think. Whatever your “it” is, know that you CAN do it, you CAN have it and you CAN be it. IT IS ALL POSSIBLE – you just have to open your mind and heart to it.
“We all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do.” – Dale Carnegie
“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” – Jamie Paolinetti
# # #
Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor dedicated to helping people answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? You can check out her website here:http://www.christinehassler.com/
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Do You Isolate?
By Dr. Margaret Paul
November 14, 2011
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If you tend to isolate, and you believe that isolating protects you from getting hurt, you might be surprised to learn of the harm you are causing yourself.
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In my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears - especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on them, that they choose to avoid relationships, rather than learn how to deal with these challenging situations.
These people have never developed a loving Adult self, who knows how to take loving care of them when others are angry, rejecting or demanding. They believe they prefer loneliness over the challenge of relationships.
Yet, time and again, I see the devastating effects of constant loneliness. We are social beings, meant to live within the safety and connection of family and community. While, to people who isolate, it seems safer to avoid relationships, the research shows that a lack of community has a very negative effect on health and wellbeing. Far more single people are unhappy than married people, and people without friends die earlier than people with friends.
"People in long-term marriages are much happier than people who aren't....People who have more friends have lower stress levels and live longer." The Social Animal, David Brooks, pp196-197
If you are a person who isolates, can you learn to feel safe without giving up being with people?
Yes, you can. You will feel safe when you learn how to take loving care of yourself, especially in the face of others' anger, disapproval and demands.
This means that you need to learn a number of very important things:
•You need to learn to define your own worth, so that you are not reliant on others' approval to feel good about yourself.
•You need to learn to not take others' behavior personally. While others' blaming, attacking, disapproving, rejecting, demanding or needy behavior can hurt your heart, it is very important to know that it is not about you, and not about there being anything wrong with you.
•You need to learn to manage the loneliness and heartbreak of others' unloving behavior. It's one thing to feel lonely when you have chosen to isolate - since you are in control of it - but quite another to feel the loneliness of others' closed hearts and accept your helplessness over their choices. Yet closing your own heart is not the answer.
•You need to reach a point in your life where you know that being open-hearted and loving with yourself and others is why you are on the planet, and that there is no way of avoiding the loneliness and heartbreak of loving someone who is not open-hearted with you. This is why learning to manage the very challenging feeling of loneliness and heartbreak - and your helplessness over others' choices - is so important. Without knowing how to do this, you will likely be too afraid to love.
This is where the Six Steps of Inner Bonding come in. Practicing Inner Bonding is what will heal the fears and false beliefs that keep you isolated and afraid, by developing your loving Adult self, who is capable of taking loving care of yourself in the face of others' unloving behavior.
This is what will free you from isolation.
It takes great courage to learn how to take loving care of yourself - to speak your truth and take loving action in your own behalf, risking others' disapproval and rejection rather than giving yourself up to control how others feel about you, or isolating to avoid the challenge.
Do you have the courage to open your heart and learn how to love yourself? Do you have the courage to open your heart to others and risk rejection or loss? No one can ever make it "safe" for you to do this; truly loving is, in a sense, one of the least safe things we do on the planet. It is also the most fulfilling and joyful experience we ever have.
November 14, 2011
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you tend to isolate, and you believe that isolating protects you from getting hurt, you might be surprised to learn of the harm you are causing yourself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears - especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on them, that they choose to avoid relationships, rather than learn how to deal with these challenging situations.
These people have never developed a loving Adult self, who knows how to take loving care of them when others are angry, rejecting or demanding. They believe they prefer loneliness over the challenge of relationships.
Yet, time and again, I see the devastating effects of constant loneliness. We are social beings, meant to live within the safety and connection of family and community. While, to people who isolate, it seems safer to avoid relationships, the research shows that a lack of community has a very negative effect on health and wellbeing. Far more single people are unhappy than married people, and people without friends die earlier than people with friends.
"People in long-term marriages are much happier than people who aren't....People who have more friends have lower stress levels and live longer." The Social Animal, David Brooks, pp196-197
If you are a person who isolates, can you learn to feel safe without giving up being with people?
Yes, you can. You will feel safe when you learn how to take loving care of yourself, especially in the face of others' anger, disapproval and demands.
This means that you need to learn a number of very important things:
•You need to learn to define your own worth, so that you are not reliant on others' approval to feel good about yourself.
•You need to learn to not take others' behavior personally. While others' blaming, attacking, disapproving, rejecting, demanding or needy behavior can hurt your heart, it is very important to know that it is not about you, and not about there being anything wrong with you.
•You need to learn to manage the loneliness and heartbreak of others' unloving behavior. It's one thing to feel lonely when you have chosen to isolate - since you are in control of it - but quite another to feel the loneliness of others' closed hearts and accept your helplessness over their choices. Yet closing your own heart is not the answer.
•You need to reach a point in your life where you know that being open-hearted and loving with yourself and others is why you are on the planet, and that there is no way of avoiding the loneliness and heartbreak of loving someone who is not open-hearted with you. This is why learning to manage the very challenging feeling of loneliness and heartbreak - and your helplessness over others' choices - is so important. Without knowing how to do this, you will likely be too afraid to love.
This is where the Six Steps of Inner Bonding come in. Practicing Inner Bonding is what will heal the fears and false beliefs that keep you isolated and afraid, by developing your loving Adult self, who is capable of taking loving care of yourself in the face of others' unloving behavior.
This is what will free you from isolation.
It takes great courage to learn how to take loving care of yourself - to speak your truth and take loving action in your own behalf, risking others' disapproval and rejection rather than giving yourself up to control how others feel about you, or isolating to avoid the challenge.
Do you have the courage to open your heart and learn how to love yourself? Do you have the courage to open your heart to others and risk rejection or loss? No one can ever make it "safe" for you to do this; truly loving is, in a sense, one of the least safe things we do on the planet. It is also the most fulfilling and joyful experience we ever have.
Friday, October 14, 2011
DAILY INSPIRATION FROM MARGARET PAUL
Your essence is beauty. Your essence is joy. Your essence is peace, love, creativity, passion. Your essence is a perfect and individualized expression of Spirit. Today, and each day, choose to be a loving guardian of your sacred self.
By Dr. Margaret Paul
By Dr. Margaret Paul
Friday, September 30, 2011
Follow your Bliss
Those three words sum up all the wisdom that I can ever offer you. So - what the heck does this mean, "Follow your bliss"?
I'll start off by talking about what it doesn't mean.
It doesn't mean indulging in all the different types of sensual pleasures like overeating, drug abusive, sexual promiscuity, etc.
Follow your bliss is a sacred call to action for your soul to pursue what makes it happy and what makes it light up. Which means we need to start paying attention to what makes us happy, to the things we do in our lives that make it seem like three minutes has gone by when it's really been hours. We want to do the things that make us feel happy, fulfilled and BLISSFUL. This isn't about getting high, or burying ourselves in consumerism, this is something much deeper.
Campbell follows up his mantra of FOLLOW YOUR BLISS with the promise that when you follow your bliss doors will open for you where there were only blocks before. It means that each of us have a customized journey that we are being called to join and that if we give this journey a hearty YES, then we will be met with synchronicities and seeming "lucky" moments that guide our path towards eventual fulfillment and bliss.
Campbell also reminds us that we will have tests, trials and "dragons" to face on our quest. And that these dragons are really our inner fears working against us. This is why I talk so much about fear on TDL, because it really is the only thing holding us back from living the life of our dreams.
So, what makes you light up? What makes you joyful? Know that you can create a sustainable and thriving life from doing what brings you bliss. What fears are coming up for you when you consider this? What new habits, decision and actions can you take to make your bliss a reality?
Unplug from the trance of fear that is running most of our world and plug into your bliss, a brand new life is waiting for you. Are you ready?
I'll start off by talking about what it doesn't mean.
It doesn't mean indulging in all the different types of sensual pleasures like overeating, drug abusive, sexual promiscuity, etc.
Follow your bliss is a sacred call to action for your soul to pursue what makes it happy and what makes it light up. Which means we need to start paying attention to what makes us happy, to the things we do in our lives that make it seem like three minutes has gone by when it's really been hours. We want to do the things that make us feel happy, fulfilled and BLISSFUL. This isn't about getting high, or burying ourselves in consumerism, this is something much deeper.
Campbell follows up his mantra of FOLLOW YOUR BLISS with the promise that when you follow your bliss doors will open for you where there were only blocks before. It means that each of us have a customized journey that we are being called to join and that if we give this journey a hearty YES, then we will be met with synchronicities and seeming "lucky" moments that guide our path towards eventual fulfillment and bliss.
Campbell also reminds us that we will have tests, trials and "dragons" to face on our quest. And that these dragons are really our inner fears working against us. This is why I talk so much about fear on TDL, because it really is the only thing holding us back from living the life of our dreams.
So, what makes you light up? What makes you joyful? Know that you can create a sustainable and thriving life from doing what brings you bliss. What fears are coming up for you when you consider this? What new habits, decision and actions can you take to make your bliss a reality?
Unplug from the trance of fear that is running most of our world and plug into your bliss, a brand new life is waiting for you. Are you ready?
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The Power Of Being Yourself
The Power Of Being Yourself
by Rachel Sat Siri Dougherty on September 26, 2011
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I heard an interview today with Oprah. She said something that resonated with me so strongly, it almost took my breath away. She said, “If I’d known how successful and wealthy I’d get from simply being 100% myself, I would have started it much, much sooner!” Funny and true! It certainly has worked well for her.
She is honest and open, warts and all, and millions of people around the world love her for it. Not cause she’s perfect, or thin, or went to a certain college, or wears a designer brand of clothing, but because she’s real. People can relate to that.
I am noticing this more and more in my own life. I used to think that I had to be perfect or have it all together (what does that mean anyway?) or be positive all the time. But what I’m noticing is that people respond to me, trust me and respect me more when I share my vulnerabilities, doubts, all the things I thought needed to be hidden. I am starting to see what Oprah is talking about.
Authenticity is golden. When someone is totally and completely themselves it is so attractive. I don’t know about you, but I seem to be getting more and more sensitive to this, and if someone tries to be all phoney around me, it makes me very uncomfortable.
We waste so much time in our lives dancing around trying to figure out what everyone else wants from us. That is an exhausting and pointless dance; it always ends in disappointment and insecurity. And, of course, it makes those people your ‘master’- master of your happiness, sense of success and approval. This never works. I am a reformed do-gooder and I notice I have so much more energy now than I used to. I start with feeding my own soul first and foremost, nourishing my spirit before I go attending to anyone else’s. I have to have something before I can give it away.
If I want to give peace, I must cultivate it within myself. If I want to give love, I must cultivate it within me. Sounds obvious right? But so often we forget and look to something or someone outside us to give us these things.
A dear friend of mine and I play a good game for keeping ‘it real.’ We have a mutual admiration for each other. I think she is a divinely conscious, compassionate and loving human being, she thinks the same of me. Our game is called “worst person in the world’. One of us goes first with something we need to tell the truth about, and then the next person goes. We start off with “I’m the worst person in the world because…… It is so very liberating. We always laugh, as we are throwing off at ourselves and our perfectionist sides that are horrified that we (holy beings that we are) would ever have such a thought! Giving our annoyance or worry or judgement a voice where we hear it without judgement, releases its power over us.
Speak it. Let it be free in you.
One of my favorite lines from the Australian poet and artist Michael Leunig is:
“Let it out. Let it all unravel, and it can be a path on which to travel”.
Be brave. Be authentic. Be You. If it worked for Oprah, it can work for you, too!
by Rachel Sat Siri Dougherty on September 26, 2011
Email This Post
I heard an interview today with Oprah. She said something that resonated with me so strongly, it almost took my breath away. She said, “If I’d known how successful and wealthy I’d get from simply being 100% myself, I would have started it much, much sooner!” Funny and true! It certainly has worked well for her.
She is honest and open, warts and all, and millions of people around the world love her for it. Not cause she’s perfect, or thin, or went to a certain college, or wears a designer brand of clothing, but because she’s real. People can relate to that.
I am noticing this more and more in my own life. I used to think that I had to be perfect or have it all together (what does that mean anyway?) or be positive all the time. But what I’m noticing is that people respond to me, trust me and respect me more when I share my vulnerabilities, doubts, all the things I thought needed to be hidden. I am starting to see what Oprah is talking about.
Authenticity is golden. When someone is totally and completely themselves it is so attractive. I don’t know about you, but I seem to be getting more and more sensitive to this, and if someone tries to be all phoney around me, it makes me very uncomfortable.
We waste so much time in our lives dancing around trying to figure out what everyone else wants from us. That is an exhausting and pointless dance; it always ends in disappointment and insecurity. And, of course, it makes those people your ‘master’- master of your happiness, sense of success and approval. This never works. I am a reformed do-gooder and I notice I have so much more energy now than I used to. I start with feeding my own soul first and foremost, nourishing my spirit before I go attending to anyone else’s. I have to have something before I can give it away.
If I want to give peace, I must cultivate it within myself. If I want to give love, I must cultivate it within me. Sounds obvious right? But so often we forget and look to something or someone outside us to give us these things.
A dear friend of mine and I play a good game for keeping ‘it real.’ We have a mutual admiration for each other. I think she is a divinely conscious, compassionate and loving human being, she thinks the same of me. Our game is called “worst person in the world’. One of us goes first with something we need to tell the truth about, and then the next person goes. We start off with “I’m the worst person in the world because…… It is so very liberating. We always laugh, as we are throwing off at ourselves and our perfectionist sides that are horrified that we (holy beings that we are) would ever have such a thought! Giving our annoyance or worry or judgement a voice where we hear it without judgement, releases its power over us.
Speak it. Let it be free in you.
One of my favorite lines from the Australian poet and artist Michael Leunig is:
“Let it out. Let it all unravel, and it can be a path on which to travel”.
Be brave. Be authentic. Be You. If it worked for Oprah, it can work for you, too!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
An affirmation
I boldly express my authentic self.
I let go of anyone who enjoys making me small.
I see and step into the largest version of myself.
I let go of anyone who enjoys making me small.
I see and step into the largest version of myself.
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